1. Thou shalt offer neither suggestions nor commentary regarding names for thy expected grandchild, even if the proffered name is that of a fruit, an animal or a day of the week.
2. Thou shalt not permit thy grandchild to cheat at games; neither shall thee stop playing until said grandchild has won.
3. Thou shalt read stories to thy grandchild 70 times seven, even if the request is “Walter the Farting Dog.”
4. Thou shalt not lament how fast thy grandchildren grow, for that is what they were put on earth to do.
5. Thou shalt not break the laws decreed by the parents of thy grandchildren, nay, even when it comes to sugar.
6. Thou shalt not offer comparisons among thy grandchildren, for each is as unique as the prints of their sticky fingers on thy coffee table.
7. Honor, rather than envy, the other grandparents of thy grandchildren, for in solidarity there is strength against parental killers of joy.
8. Thou shalt play on the floor with thy grandchildren howsoever difficult it is to get back up.
9. Thou shalt bite thy tongue into ribbons if tempted to offer thy grandchildren’s parents unsolicited advice.
10. Thou shalt treat thy grandchildren so that if they are asked which is thy favorite, each shall proclaim, “I am!”
Rebecca Christian (a.k.a. “Memaw”) is a grandmother and stepgrandmother of 10, who sorely is tempted and tried by the sugar commandment.
