As a lover of food, I do not have the best relationship with it.
Frankly, this is the first time, writing about it, that I am being honest with myself about it.
I share a lot about my life in my writing, and I pride myself on being honest and transparent with readers. As I share my journey of success with those that follow me, it is important for me to share all of who I am. This includes the not-so-good things I experience.
I am losing weight. This isn’t great news. I am trying to gain weight. It’s not as though I do not eat. I love food. I have a high metabolism, and it is hard for me to gain weight. It doesn’t help I have an unhealthy relationship with what I eat and am not eating properly to keep weight on.
I do not eat three meals per day. Some days, when I am terribly busy and stressed, I forget to eat all together. When my brain health is struggling, my anxiety will not let me eat at all. Or, my depression makes me overindulge in the comfort of snacks.
During a previous visit to the doctor, I was 103 pounds. I am now 98 pounds. The biggest I’ve ever been was 115 pounds. in high school, and I have not been able to get near that since. I can’t even get back over 105 pounds. So, what do I do?
The answer to that has to be built around everything else I have learned about myself medically.
During that doctor visit, I also found out I am prediabetic. This has me feeling anxious. Diabetes runs in my family. My mother, my father and my brother had it. Although it was not the leading cause of their death, diabetes helped contribute to their fatal medical conditions. Having prediabetic markers means my blood sugar is higher than normal, but not high enough to be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
Although many of my family members have or had it, I never understood the extent of what it was or what it causes. I have been educating myself so I can eat heathier and improve my relationship with food.
People with prediabetes are at risk of developing heart disease or having a stroke. I am only 25 years old. I just learned one in five who have a heart attack are younger than 40. My brother, who passed away due to his health complications, was not even 30. It’s scary.
In addition to being prediabetic, I also learned I have high blood pressure. This was something that I had never been told before. I am anemic and prone to having low blood pressure. High blood pressure also can lead to a heart attack or stroke. It can cause heart failure, vision problems, kidney problems and a list of other things.
This could be caused by the amount of salt and other unhealthy food items I often enjoy. It can be from drinking too much alcohol or caffeine. I enjoy both. I also learned it can be caused by a lack of sleep, which also applies to me.
The good news is prediabetes and high blood pressure can be treated. This starts by adjusting what I am putting into my body — too much sugar and too much salt. I eat a lot, but not on a regular schedule. I let my brain health control when I eat, how much I eat or if I eat at all. My stress affects my sleep, and my sleep affects my body.
Not only do I have to develop a healthier relationship with food, but I also must gain a healthy relationship with my body. I have to love me and give my body the attention it deserves.
I am doing my research and developing a new diet, including meal prepping. I do not want to wait until it is too late to start making changes. I want to find a healthy way to gain weight that works best for me.
This month, I recommend we all do the same. Make the necessary changes before it is too late. Everyone’s story might be different, but my advice is the same. Love yourself more. Learn yourself, and do what is best for you.
Rasharra Smith is a recent graduate of the University of Dubuque.
